strange, familiar…

So, there I am, on the Circle of Misse website, reading my poem and talking about it.  Wayne’s done a great job with this podcast.  I don’t sound half as mad as I thought I would.

But who is this familiar stranger, strange familiar, with her “um”s and her “you know”s?  So odd, to hear yourself outside yourself…

Advertisements

Keeping faith with it

You know you should be all ‘adult’ and realistic about it, you knew your chances were slim but that rejection is a big disappointment nevertheless.  Sounds familiar?

How do you cope with the inevitable rejections and non-responses that attend this writing life?  Do you shrug it off and get on with the next project?  Have a good old wallow, shake your fist at the sky/imaginary editors/your loved ones and rail against the injustice of it all?  A bit of both?

And how much importance should we attach to this aspect of writing, anyway?  Should we be purely in it for the journey of self-discovery, the unfolding of our own, particular, linguistic creativity?

Well, don’t ask me.  I’m grappling with all these questions myself at the moment.  I have had some lovely things happen recently *, but I have also had to face the fact that Publisher No. 1 on my wishlist of Presses-I-Would-Love-to-Publish-My-First-Book is not interested.  The specified amount of time has elapsed by which, according to the Publisher’s website, I am to assume my sample of work has been rejected.

I know, it’s crap isn’t it?  The presses and their editors are so, well, hard-pressed, that they have neither time nor money to respond to the vast number of submissions they receive.  I believe them when they say this, I really do.  But it is quite horrible, not knowing for sure, feeling all rejected and insignificant…

…You can tell I’m still at the wallowing stage, maybe?  Julia Cameron has some useful advice in her Artist’s Way (you haven’t read it?  Do!  It’s very useful.  I have to admit, I really really did not accept any of her talk about the ‘Great Creator’, and I cringed at what has by now become a very very familiar language of self-help.  But despite that, she makes sense, has all sorts of really great suggestions for exploring one’s individual quirks and kinks and creative potential – and is possibly responsible for me changing my life-work balance.  Can’t argue with that.)…

…er, sorry.  Right.  The Artist’s Way.  Briefly, she says that in the face of disappointment, we should ask ourselves, “What next?”  I suppose that’s a bit like the “Get back on the hoss” attitude.  Have a stamp and a shout and a wail, shake a few fists, then get back to the stuff that matters.  In my case, I suppose that means get on with the poems.

But also, she has this great story about a director, who tells himself on the opening nights of his films that ” ‘If I can’t shoot 35 mm, I could still shoot 16 mm.  If I can’t shoot 16 mm, then I can shoot video….’ ” (p. 137).  There are always ways to get your work “out there”.  You might have to let go of a few assumptions to do so, but the ways are there…

It is really easy to get wrapped up in the end-product of writing poetry; the giving-readings, the getting-published.  But I didn’t start writing poetry purely because of all that outward stuff (though it is fun, I do love it).  On my desk at the moment is an old poem to which I’ve returned, that has started mushrooming out into something pretty big, something new-old, something strange and exciting.  Something that I really, really want to work on.

That’s what I really do it for.

* Lovely things: I had a lovely chat with the fabulous Wayne Milstead yesterday, which will become a podcast at some point.  I’m teaching at his centre in France in July.  Very exciting!  I’m working on my review for Modern Poetry in Translation magazine at the moment – getting paid to read poetry!  Excellent!