Ugly Q & A

Ugly Questions

Do you act like a hot girl or an ugly

girl? Do ugly girls ever get any boyfriends?

Do ugly people have any value? Should you

fuck ugly girls to improve your game? Should you

keep on being with an ugly girl

when there are no alternatives? Should you

hire ugly people? Are you hot, pretty,

average or ugly? Are ugly girls easy?

Are You Ugly, Cute, Hot, Or Head Turning

Sexy? (girls Only!!!) I am an ugly girl –

does that mean I will never get lucky? I

am an ugly woman. What chance do I have? Why are

the babies in medieval art so ugly?

Why are the emojis so ugly? Why are

the British so ugly? Why do engineers

use big old ugly computers? Why do foreigners

tend to marry women that are ugly?

Why do ugly boys get gorgeous girls?

If an ugly girl marries an ugly boy,

will the children too be ugly? If your child

were to be boring, stupid, or ugly, which one

would you prefer? Why didn’t evolution

get rid of ugly people? Why are ugly

paintings so expensive? Why is LA

so ugly? Why is train seat fabric so ugly?

Why is gravel ugly? Why are models

ugly? Why are feet ugly? What is an ugly

stick? What are ugly tomatoes? What is ugly

crying? Is your current PowerPoint template

ugly? How do ugly people find love?



Ugly Answers


Twenty-two ugly girls with hot bods. Thirty-

five pretty girls who became fat and ugly.

Five key things that ugly girls know that pretty

ones don’t. There is nothing worse than an ugly

girl who thinks she’s hot. An ugly girl

will usually harbour resentment towards

the hotter friend. No one takes pictures with

or of the ugly girl. No one writes books

about ugly women. Most people in

America are pretty damn ugly.

There’s not one ugly girl in Whistler village.

There are a lot of ugly female athletes.

Teenage girls. Some are really ugly.

Being around ugly women is bad

for your health. Fat girls are ugliest of all.

Ugly prostitutes exist. Here’s why

writers are ugly. The mood is ugly. Your baby

is ugly. I’m ugly, I know it and I have proof.


Two poems derived from using a search engine with ‘ugly’ as the key word, both attempting to hold a pentameter line (very variable feet!).  Being slightly hasty / lazy / ignorant, I’ve let WordPress put a lot of space into what should be very squashed-together, breathless lines, but the line breaks are where I want them.

Such richness of material, I might write an Ugly Ghazal as well – but there’s only so much misogyny I can digest in one go, so that might have to wait.  Happy Halloween.


3 thoughts on “Ugly Q & A

  1. Ah, the old ‘ugly’ question and if we only knew what was ugly. If it’s more that what we don’t like then there must be an objectivity at work. But that’s walking the plank. Conversely, beauty. Warhol asked ‘is there beauty in ugliness or is it digging in the dirt?’ My take is that neither exist except in our own minds. Discuss…..

    1. Well, quite! And I guess my take is that ‘objectivity’ itself is spurious – that as embodied creatures with emotions and our meaty senses inflecting everything we sense and make sense of, and with our cultural conditioning riddling us from the minute we take our first breath, to claim there are ‘objective’ standards of ‘ugliness’ or ‘beauty’ is wilful and incorrect, not to mention deeply damaging to those creatures deemed to fail those standards – actually, to all creatures held up against those standards and deemed to fail OR succeed. And don’t even get me started on society’s attitudes to women…

      Haha. What’s funny is that I’d hoped my Ugly poems (and the ‘Beautiful’ one that’s doing the rounds of the mags at the moment) would have said all this without me. But I just can’t resist, can I?

      Thanks for the comment Derek! Such a rich topic.

  2. Well apart from this being a philosophical consideration for hundreds of years, it was I think,, argued so well in Robert Persig’s ‘Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance’ – a book I’m sure you’ve trawled many times,. I took it with me when we did the Dakotas in 2008 – roughly following Persig’s own ‘journey’ in the book and I think that was about the 5th time I’d read it. By the way, your ‘Ugly Poem’ is really excellent. Dylan: ‘Beauty walks a razor’s edge – some day I’ll make it mine.’ Some hopes Bob ol’ son! Ugly/Beauty – might be good for a homework? 2 tribes perhaps. 2 birds, 1 stone?

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